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Welcome, all, to the deepest, most revered, and hallowed blog the world has ever seen.

Actually, if you’re looking for THAT blog, I suggest starting with a Google search of the above terms. I guarantee, without a shred of doubt, that this blog will not show up on your results.

This is not that kind of blog.

This is a place to discuss things, in depth and with great consideration, that do not matter to the world at large in any way. You want to feed the underprivileged? I suggest UNICEF or Amnesty International. Save the animals? PETA might be a good place to start. Discuss whether or not the way milk turns brown after eating Count Chocula is disgusting or a miracle of food engineering?

Welcome to Intelligent Irrelevance.

I will present an essay of sorts, written in a cocky and off-putting tone (if I am feeling cocky and off-putting that day. There will be plenty of days when I’m feeling humble and welcoming. The essay those days will be presented in an according fashion.) Then, the phone lines are open. Discuss, rant, bitch, rave, and wonder about how I have the time and mental energy to worry about matters of such dubious import. Suggest new topics for future discourse.

With all that now under our collective belts, let battle commence.

Today’s issue: ketchup on Kraft Dinner(or knockoff brand of your choice): repugnant bowl of sugary tomato death or subtle dish of citrus-hued elbows with a delicate undertone of near-cheddar and just a dash of Sicilian dreams?

Kraft Dinner is a phood (we can’t call it food, now, can we?) that many will swear they have never eaten, or only tried once.

They are all lying. No one only eats Kraft Dinner once. The cheese is cheddar-based methamphetamines, and once you’ve had one bowl you will wander the Earth a desperate wraith, selling your soul for even a sniff of that genetically modified perfection.

The only way one can improve upon the wonder that is KD (as the kids, or everyone since it first came out call it) is to add a healthy squeeze of ketchup. Squeeze it in, swirl it around, and watch the neon orange turn the delicious wild of a sunset. Then enjoy.

I pose this question to you. Do you put ketchup on your Kraft Dinner?