Cliches have been around since Og said ‘hot enough for ya’ to Thag one blistering summer day, way back in the Plio-Pleisticine.

This is an actual recorded conversation. It was on one of those caves in France. (source unconfirmed)

We all use cliches. Saying that we all use cliches is a cliche. Disliking cliches as a writer is a cliche. Write the word cliche without the proper accent above the ‘e’ and it ends up looking like a savoury dessert pie. Slice of cliche with your brandy, sir?

All that being said (cliche warning) I would like to reveal a few of my most loathed cliches, in that most cliched of internet presentations, the list.

1.) It is what it is.
Except when it isn’t. Then it isn’t what it isn’t. This is used when someone is asked a question and they don’t really have an honest answer, or they’ve at least been instructed to not answer in an honest way.
“Why do think you guys lost today?”
HONEST ANSWER: We sucked, we couldn’t pass to save our lives, I tripped on my own shoelaces, and the coach had diarrhea between the second and third periods.
CLICHE ANSWER: It is what it is.
You see? It is what it is.

2.) LOL

Used since the early days of the internet, this indicates that you have enjoyed something so much it has caused you to lol, or Laugh Out Loud. Except most of the time when you’re reading things on the internet or your phone, you’re by yourself. And sitting there actually laughing out loud by yourself at a picture of a cat with a bad attitude is a sure sign of one hundred percent, tactile insanity. Besides, that cat picture really wasn’t that funny, was it? Cute, yes. Amusing even. But so funny that you’re laughing out loud, enough to actually declare that you are indeed Laughing Out Loud? I think not.

3.) Man up, sack up, and any and all forms of taking your current perceived masculinity and somehow dialing it up for the situation at hand.

Because masculinity and bravery are measurable assets that we all possess and can just crank up whenever we feel like it. I don’t know how to change my own brakes. My scrotal sac, and the testicles therein, have nothing to do with my lack of auto-vehicular knowledge. Most studies indicate that cognitive function and knowledge retention have very little to do with the reproductive system. My sports team, my preference in movies and music, and whether or not I feel like hopping onto the back of an all-terrain vehicle and ploughing up the near-vertical face of a gravel pit also have little to no relation to my abilities as a male member of the species.

4.)Keep Calm and ______ On.

‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ was a motivational device never actually used by the British Government. The original intention was to keep everyone’s spirits up while the Luftwaffe flew overhead and bombed the living snot out of the Thames and its surrounding area. Essentially a much more boring way of saying ‘steady on, then’ and ‘stiff upper lip,’ the saying has lived on in a variety of INCREDIBLY annoying t-shirts, posters, and bumper stickers that simply refuse to die.
I honestly wonder how many people with the ‘Keep Calm and ____ On’ plastered to the bumpers of their F-350s (cue the arguments of how one truck is better than the other. Want to know the answer? IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU HAVE THE TIME, ENERGY, AND FUNDS NECESSARY TO BE ABLE TO SIT AROUND AND DEBATE THE ISSUE. YOU HAVE A PRETTY GOOD LIFE) know where the saying originated.

Ah well. It is what it is. Do you have any cliches that need to die a thousand painful deaths?

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